0bfvscate:

1. You snap your fingers and light your cigarette off the flame.
2. Dragons and pixies are real and it sucks.
3. You work in law enforcement, which works exactly like real-world law enforcement, despite the fact that no two people have the same physical limitations
4. You mutter spells under your breath. Your breath smells like whiskey. No one has to know you’re rhyming.
5. You know at least half a vampire, and one whole werewolf
6. Everyone you meet of the opposite sex is obnoxious and grating, but some are also really hot
7. You walk into a room and sneer. Everyone here is so pretentious/naive
8. Despite the crushing realism of your story, nobody who lives in ‘hidden lands’ ever gets hit with a tax evasion summons
9. If you do not work in law enforcement, you own a bar and enforce strict neutrality laws on all your supernatural patrons. But chances are good that you used to work in law enforcement.
10. You have outwitted at least one demigod and escaped the physical manifestation of Death twice
11. You have at least one leather item on you at all times.
12. You mention Tolkien ironically
13. You slam back a shot of liquor and hold everyone’s respect; except your own.
14. Your partner (business/romantic) is missing.
15. Your partner (business/romantic) is dead.
16. You discover a shocking revelation; you’re secretly part-[redacted]! No wonder you’re so good at your job.
17. You’ve always known you were secretly part-[redacted], and it has weighed on you like a lodestone for your entire life
18. Just because there’s literally actually magic doesn’t mean we don’t all die alone.