classpectlab:

Originally written by @savemodtony, for ClasspectLab’s Task 1.0, 2016.

---

Being a Page of Heart is caring about everyone and devoting yourself to helping them, but also being extremely picky about who you help. When a Page of Heart helps, it is a soul bearing thing. They cannot find a middle ground, it’s all or nothing for better or worse. You listen to anyone who wants to bend your ear, and even if you find the issue dumb you treat it as if it was the most important thing in the world. Its staying up till midnight listening to someone talk about their relationship issues and you sit there trying to find an answer that you just don’t have. It’s putting an arm around a friend who just lost a loved one and reminding them that this is a part of life. It’s spending days trying to figure out a reasonable way to get someone you love back to a good position to grow on their own. Its taking in someone too lost to go on then giving them a map and letting them find their own way.

It’s finding a new thing to get attached to and spending 40 hours on it and another 100 just thinking about it. Its dissecting every single inch of the thing and finding out exactly what makes every bit compose it. It’s stripping away the surface to get a look at the interior to see how it ticks and just how to use it and how to make it better. It’s getting so attached to a group of characters that you want to fight anyone who dares to misrepresent them. It’s waking up in the middle of the night to write out some half idea to develop later or not being able to sleep till you get your thoughts out of your own head.

It’s a constant battle between what you want to do, what you need to do, and what other people need. It’s never getting a break but not really minding. It’s a few kind words here and there from people you love but aren’t great at showing their reciprocations. It’s those days where you feel the weight of every misstep you have ever made crushing you and not wanting to exist for just long enough to have it blow over. It’s vindictive thoughts that you counter with the empathy you have an infinite supply of. It’s never knowing whether or not anyone cares about your opinion even when they tell you. It’s knowing yourself perfectly but being utterly incapable of describing it to others. A ramble here or there about things you would guess makes no sense but ends up being well conveyed. A speech about everything on your mind followed by a group of sad smiles from the truth in your words. A few sentences that go too far and lead to another fuck up.

Being a Page of Heart is being Unique but similar. It’s having experiences impossible for others to have but still using them to connect to others and try to dispense advice. It’s kindness in the face of nearly absolute failure, an optimistic voice when the realistic response is cynical. A Brave face in tough times to raise morale. Silent suffering as you don’t want to bother anyone with your issues and just to keep helping them. Being a Page of Heart is being confident but unsure. It’s knowing you but fumbling around trying to understand others despite everything saying you shouldn’t.

A Page of Heart is bartender who cleans your cups and listens to your woes and always has a kind smile to give but tired eyes.